My blog has a new home

With a new gmail account comes a new home for my blog:

http://gunnapumpyouup.blogspot.com/

Still hanging in there

Good news, folks. I am still very much on the South Beach Bandwagon, despite being terribly sick today. No worries, I'm good now. But I've learned my lesson about eating too much dairy and caffeine.

Now time for confessions: I did break down and eat a few Pepperidge Farm milan cookies (that was my whole lunch), but if you know what I've been through today, you'd understand. They were the only things I felt my stomach could handle. Cookies are my chicken soup.

I have 1 day left, and then I'm going to jump off this moving South Beach train for a few days. Let's hope I don't land too hard. Ill be in Chicago on Friday, and I'm not going to try getting a head of lettuce and some low-carb salad dressing through airport security. I don't want to be mistaken for a Hidden Valley Ranch Al Qaeda.

I'm a Terrible Daughter.

I love my mom very much, but today I just couldn't help myself. It all started when I called her from my office phone for the first time. Oddly, she didn't recognize my voice from that phone. Psh! As if I'm not going to take advantage of that? So I waited a few hours and called again...

*ring ring*

Mom: Hello?

Me: Hello, is Mrs. [Mom's last name, pronounced totally incorrectly] available?

Mom (a little annoyed): This is she. May I ask who is calling?

Me: Hi Mrs. [Name still pronounced wrong]. My name is Laura, I'm calling from Atlanta Refrigeration and Cooling Services. I'm calling with regard to a problem that seems to be occurring in your neighborhood. Do you have time to answer a few questions?

Mom: Yes, well, as long as you don't mind if I'm working. I have spreadsheets to work on, and if somebody calls, I'll have to go.

Me: Absolutely, m'am.

Mom: We might get cut off.

Me: Yes, and thank you for your time.

Mom: What's the problem? Your name is Laura?

Me: Yes, as I said, my name is Laura and I'm calling from Atlanta Refrigeration and Cooling Services. Your builder has contacted us to investigate a recurring problem in your neighborhood. Some of your neighbors have experienced a problem with the power supply to their kitchen appliances. Have you had any problem with power to your kitchen appliances?

Mom: Yes, Laura, actually I have. The microwave has been cutting out. It started recently.

Me: Hm, the microwave? I'm afraid that's new. I'm going to make a note of it here. Thank you.

Mom: Yes, sometimes it's fine, and then it shuts off for no reason.

Me: Ok, have you had any trouble with the stovetop?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, thank you. How about your refrigerator? Has it been running OK?

Mom: Yes, I think so. I haven't noticed a problem with it.

Me: Hmmmmmm, well, then you should probably go catch it.

Mom: ........

Mom: ........

Mom: WHO IS THIS?!

Mom later expressed that she wasn't sure what to be more embarrassed about: that she fell for that refrigerator bit, or that she couldn't recognize her own daughter's voice. In her defense, I was using my best telemarketer voice and we use phones that don't pick up any background noise (so we probably really do sound different). She also told me that the microwave really isn't working right. I recommended that she call Atlanta Refrigeration and Cooling Services about it.

I love my poor mother. She puts up with me.

South Beach, Day 2

So far, so good. I even had the will power to cut up some forgotten and overly ripe strawberries, stuff them into a ziplock bag and hurriedly shove them into the freezer without eating a single one. I'm proud. And one day, when I take out those strawberries to make a delicious, sugary daquiri, I will know the fortitude from whence they sprang.

Anyway, after work I got through the p90x Cardio X DVD. Between my poor fitness level and the lack of carbs, it was a little tiring. Have to start somewhere, yeah?

I then made a tasty salmon dinner. Having grown up in the Pacific Northwest, I get a little snobby about salmon. Those Atlantic fishies simply do not measure up to the Alaskan real deal. Furthermore, my Dad is a black belt grill master - he would buy a whole side fillet with skin on, spread this thick and tasty mystery paste on it, and then oh-so-carefully cook it to perfection on the grill. Heaven.

Well, I can't do all that. But I can make this very fast and easy steamed salmon with dill sauce. Plus it's low-carb. You can even get Alaskan sockeye in the grocery store right now, so don't be a cheapwad - get the real deal.

PERFECT STEAMED SALMON - You can half this recipe if you can't eat 2 pounds of fish.

- 2 lb fresh salmon

- 1-3 TB fresh lemon juice

- 1/3 C water

- salt and pepper

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees and adjust rack to center. Line a baking sheet with a large piece of foil, and turn the edges up. Very lightly coat with cooking spray.

2. Place fish skin-side down on foil. Squeeze lemon juice over salmon, then lightly sprinkle with salt and pepper. Pour water around fish.

3. Fold aluminum over fish, and firmly crimp shut so the fish will steam cook.

4. Cook 12-15 min or until fish flakes with a fork in the center of the fillet. Or, allow about 12 min per 1" thickness of fish. Be careful when opening the foil - hot steam! Serve with ~2 Tb dill sauce.

DILL SAUCE - I subbed Kroger brand sugar-free relish (OMG, I love you Kroger!) for the dill relish. This might also make a tasty salad dressing if you like dill, but I've yet to try it.

- 1/4 C fat free Miracle Whip

- 1/4 C light mayonnaise

- 1/3 C skim milk

- 2 tsp dried dill or dill seasoning mix (I use Pampered Chef brand)

- 2 tsp dill relish

Post-Holiday Relief

Don't get me wrong, I love the holidays. But boy howdy, they get me every year. 10 pounds? Maybe? It's hard to say, since I've been putting it on since August. And while I normally scoff at the post-Christmas crash dieters (lazy binging bums!), I too have reached that point. Actually, I am so utterly sick of rich holiday fare that I REALLY want to diet.

So.

South Beach Diet.

Me and my blog have been through this before, so check out the August 2011 archive for the basics. For 12-14 days (however long I can last), I'll be depriving myself of carbs and sugars, which sound terrible right now anyway.

That said, I traipsed off to the grocery store today to stock up on vegetables, lean meats, and light dairy. I even made a batch of all the fixings for taco salad (with seasoned ground turkey and homemade dressing), so I'll be all set to start tomorrow.

Updates tomorrow!

Scamming the Scammers, Part II

The house has THREE liquor chifferobes?! It really is too good to be true!

(214): How are you doing today? did you forward your Deposit becos they are people also interested in the house

(214): Are you able to send your deposit...They are other people that is up for the house
(678): Good morning! Before I submit my deposit, could you email me a pic of the liquor chifferone? You said the house has 1. I need to know it's big enough for us 3.

(214): Do you mean the Liquor chifferobe...

(678): Yes, that's what I mean. You're so sweet! I'll check my email for your pic.

(214): Good...we will be happy to receive you and your nfamily as our guest

(214): Please check your email now

(214): We will be happy to receive you as our guest(214): It will be ncie to have you as our guest

(214): Did you get it?

Email attachment:

(678): I did receive it. Thank you! It has a lovely distressede finish, but I don't think it's large enough for our purpose. Plus, I don't think it's a certified chifferobe. You should contact your dealer. But thank you so much for all your help. We'll have to decline.

(214): we have two of it let me send you the second one

(214): Let me send the second one...we have about 3 in the house

(678): Are you at the house now?

(214): yeah...i am at the house now...We already have you reserved...that is why we declined whosoever booked the house

(678): Oh, that was so kind of you to do

(678): Can you see Cuba today? Is the weather clear enough?

(214): You will be such a nice person

(214): Thanks...
(214): Yeah...sure

(214): All you need to get the house reserved is to get your deposit paid and your date will be reserved successfully.

(214): We will be happy to have you as our guest

(214): You will enjoy the house and its facilities

Scamming the Scammers

I believe in justice. No, I'm not going to go all renegade Bruce Wayne, but if I can make life a little more inconvenient for people who are clearly doing wrong...well, it's on like Donkey Kong.

Take this for instance.

My Oregonian family and I had contemplated taking a trip to the Florida Keys over the holidays. Although we eventually decided against it, I had done a preliminary search for available condos. Mind you, it's the holidays in south Florida. You're lucky if you can find a condemned hovel on wheels for less than $800 a week. So when I found this 3-bedroom renovated condo in Key West, available immediately, for $150 a night....I was suspicious. It's like a dream come true plus a Cabana boy.

Well, I called the number and left an inquiry anyway. They responded via text at 4:30am. Jerks.

Later in the morning I did a 10-minute Google search of the address (and if you're Googling for more than 1 minute, then whatever you're looking for is legitimately difficult to find).

Sure enough, it's a scam. Some jerk overseas with a google voice account has you fill out a fake contract and submit your deposit via paypal. Then it disappears forever into the internet ether. This guy is stealing people's hard earned Holiday vacations! DURING CHRISTMAS. Nobody messes with Christmas on my watch. Now, I can't catch this guy. I can't get their money back. But I can....waste an enormous amount of his time.

Let the text war begin.

*DISCLAIMER

1) For the record, neither I nor my family (despite being from the very green state of Oregon) are smokers

2) I don't actually own a pot-belly pig, so don't worry. My candles and throw pillows are fine.

3) If you want this guy's number, I'd be happy to give it to you.

4) All misspellings and weird capitalizations are true to the original. I'm pretty sure he didn't understand half of the stuff I was asking him.

(214): I just sent you the information you will need abt the house

(678): Thank you very much!

(214): hURRY NOW AND MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS

(214): ITS XMAS SEASON...OTHER PEOPLE ARE UP FOR THE HOUSE

(678): Can you tell me what the weekly and nightly rates are?

(214): WHAT'S YOUR RESERVATION LIKE?? SO I CAN GET THE ESTIMATIONS TO YOU ANS THE COST

(214): INCLUDING THE PAYMENT METHOD

(678): We are interested in Dec 28-Jan 1st. We can pay by check, cash, or online payment. We're flexible. :)

(214): Thanks and happy booking We will be happy to receive you as our guest

(678): Ok, well, I need a rate before I book anything. Lol.

(214): let me get the estimations to you

(678): Thank you! :) I appreciate your help on such short notice.

(214): its 150 per night

(214): do i still need to send you the terms and conditions

(214): Are you interested

(678): Sure, thank you. I am very interested. I have to confirm with my family in Oregon.

(214): I just send it to you now...please try and check your email now

(214): No problem at all...You are welcome

(678): is it Flemming St or Fleming St with 1 m? I'm google mapping the house for a street view. :)

(214): Flemming St

(214): Hurry now and make your reservations

(678): Also, do you accept pets? We have a pot-belly pig. She is housetrained and crate trained. Very sweet.

(214): are you coming with a pet? and if you do they is much space for that hope is a clean dog though

(678): It's a pot belly pig. Much cleaner than a dog. Also, how tolerant are the neighbors of smoke? Like, outside. We wouldn't smoke inside, obviously.

(214): Are many people is occupying the house...will like to know

(678): 3 adults. Me and my parents. We are low key. Not party people. We just like to smoke together, if you know what I mean. They're from Oregon, haha, amiright?

(214): No problem about that...how do you want to go about your deposit so i can get a receipt issued to you immediately

(678): Sometimes the pot belly joins in too. Hahaha. We can put her mattress outside if she's a problem.

(678): Deposit, sure. Can you accept cash? I'm in Miami now, it would be easy for me to skip down there. Avoid those paypal fees.

(214): i sent you the estimations of the unit

(678): Is there a liquor chifferobe?

(214): Yeah sure...

(214): i wrote it in the mail that We Accept Payment via Paypal, Money Gram, Western union money transfer Only

(214): So we can get you reserved ASAP

(214): We prefer you use western union or money tram if you don't want to use paypal

(678): What about payment in-kind? I mentioned that I smoke...

(214): You will need a lease agreement...can i send you that now

(214): no problem...but we dont want the house to be dirty...

(678): Oh, no. We are very clean. We bathe every day mostly.

(214): no problem about the smoking

(214): The house is very spacious

(678): Sure. Can you send directions on how to use the pool? Can the pot belly go in the pool? We all love to swim.

(214): once the deposit has been made...the Lease agreement and terms and condition will be send to you ASAP

(214): Thanks...amd it will be glad to receive you as out guest

(678): Question. How far is Cuba from the house? Is it close enough for a day trip?

(214): Which one do you prefer. PayPal, Money Fram, Western union money transfer

(214): its is not that far...will you be coming from cuba

(678): Yes, we're from Miami

(214): its not far...when are you making your reservations? so we can get you reserved

(214): will be there personally to hand over the keys to the house to you

(678) Dec 28-1st. In time for the Cuban New Year. Yay! Can't wait!

(214): because some other people are up for the house

(214): Hurry up and make your reservations

(678): Ok, I'll work on the paperwork as soon as I talk to my family. Have to feed the pot belly pig too. She's snorting at me. Haha! Silly pig. Thank you!

(214): Let me send the lease agreement to you. Thanks and Merry Xmas in advance

(678): Thank you, Happy Kwanza!

(214): please check your email its has been sent to you

Some hours later....

(214): Are you still interested in the house?

(678): I've been busy, haven't had a chance to decide. I had to take the pot belly to the emergency vet. She ate 3 throw pillows and a decorative pillar candle. Ugh!

(214): let us know what is happening...So we can get you reserved in time

(678): Can you remove the pillar candles from the house?

(214): yeah...why?

(678): Well, don't want another emergency trip to the vet. :(

(214): okay then...So when are you making your reservation

(678) Dec 28-Jan 1

(214): yeah...i got the estimations to you...we are waiting to make your deposit paid and we get your receipt to you ASAP

(214): We Accept PayPal, Money Gram, Western union money transfer Only

(214): which one do you prefer

(678): Will you accept Cuba Libre Bank Online Billpay?

(214): we gave you the payment we prefer...that is the terms and condition applied

(214): Are you booking...i think western union money transfer will be ok

(678): Oh, ok. I'm so sorry. Paypal is fine. Sure I can't just give you my bank account info and do a transfer?

(214): Let me text you our payment officer Paypal email address and get you the deposit there and a receipt will be issued to you immediately...Happy booking

(214): Forward to [email address removed to protect the guilty]

(678): Thank you! I'll work on it tonight. I'm at work now. Have to empty this executive liquor chifferobe by the end of the day or my boss will surely fire me. :(

(214): Once the Fund has been made...Just forward the confirmation from paypay and get back y=to us

(214): We will be happy to receive you and Your family as our guest

This went on for many highly enjoyable hours. I'm sure there will be more. Stay tuned.